Stepmom. That was a movie I used to watch as a child. When I say watch, I mean religiously. I loved Susan Sarandon & Julia Roberts; even as a child I empathized with Julia being the new woman & taking on the responsibility of getting someone else’s child to even like you. Even more awesome, was that she was this cool, young woman, that was a photographer in New York City. I rooted for Isabel. I never thought I would even have this title – to be honest, I didn’t even realize I would be a step-mother until a few days ago. I mean, I knew I was marrying a man who had a child but I didn’t acknowledge actually becoming a stepmom.
Our situation has been dicey to say the least. I like to say, we have a complicated order but I have faith that things will work out for the better. His son is only two years old & we barely get to see him. My fiancé is military and we are stationed somewhere other than where his child’s mother lives. Which is a blessing and a curse, I suppose. We are about 7 hours away from his little guy, but even if we were closer I don’t think the situation would be much different.
Remember when I said we had a complicated order? It is definitely that. His child’s mother has been a tall order of “I’m not here for any new woman you are trying to bring into MY son’s life“, Which has been a little frustrating, not so much for me but for me to watch my fiancé lose out on being involved with his son. It has also been a tad difficult because I don’t normally date men with kids and here I am marrying one.
We saw his son a few months ago – right after we got Aspen, our lab & he was immediately in love with him. and I realized he liked animals and he was really silly. I was excited because my love of animals is insane and I was happy I could share that with my stepson. I also found myself thinking back about Isabel buying a puppy to get the kids to like her in the movie. I found myself enjoying and becoming more fond of him than I expected. Granted he is only two years old but I promise you, he understood the bond between child and dog. It was at that point, I knew I wouldn’t mind playing a role in his life.
I recently reached out to his mom in hopes to change the negative connotation that sometimes comes with title, Stepmom. I wanted very much for the transition of “just your dad’s girlfriend” to”your dad’s new wife” to be a little easier than the first initial idea of her child’s father moving on with his life, with someone else. Like I said before, I had faith that things would work themselves out; she was extremely receptive of my reaching out and I am hoping this will be a step forward in all of us working towards the best interest of the child.
I am a huge advocate for children’s rights and doing what is best for the voices that can’t be heard. I never wanted to be a stepmom, nor marry a man with a child; but I can’t help but think my destiny was to be where I am, being a part of this child’s life (and not just for the dogs). I know this journey will not be an easy one but I am possibly naively optimistic that things will get better from here. We shall see.
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– The Not So Ugly Step Mother