Is it a thing? Does it hold us back or push us forward?

We all know black parenting is just different. As parents, we have to teach our children to move to the beat of a different drum. And that beat may or may not be what one would expect from a parent. The environment may not be ideal, the funds to support it may not be there either, or there may not be a biological parent involved at all! But we have to dance anyway. These non-ideal influences does not give us a pass to skip life entirely. We cannot use this as an “excuse” to say… “I didn’t amount to anything”. We can’t just excuse ourselves from the table of life or throw away our parental rights. Instead, we can use that spread and speak to a narrative that shaped our future decisions.

Excuse maybe a strong word to use but its the only word that really defines the mindset of ” I can’t do anything because I am a product of my environment”. The excuse that sits on the lips of many who have had a hard childhood; dealing in poverty, abuse, molestation or, a major key, abandonment. Now, these are all BIG deals and I do believe that every child should be able to live their best life! In truth, I personally have experienced a form of all the above and somehow managed to use them as fuel. Hence the question, What’s the effect of the black parental upbringing? Let’s discuss some key “excuses”!

In raising five daughters my husband and I often think about how our parenting decisions will affect our girls. Where we live, how much we make, what we say and do are all key factors. We both come from VERY different upbringings and the effect on us is evident!

The outlook of the black parental upbringing leaves something to be desired in mainstream media. The normalcy of single mother households and mothers who live on welfare seems to be the all too familiar narrative of stories being told. Therefore shaping the minds of us taking in the media that we lack in some form or fashion simply due to those circumstances that were out of our control. Honestly, I am one of the people who lived this experience with three younger brothers and we each took the experience of our upbringing in VERY different ways. Using that “excuse” as a driver to very different outcomes.

Let me introduce myself, I am Lateva…A fatherless Daughter of a drug dealer whom I call mother. I’ve watched countless domestic disputes from my parents leading to a stabbing while in the home. My mother went to jail when I was just twelve, leaving me with my three younger brothers at our grandmother’s house. Our father, nowhere to be found. In a city called Detroit, also lovingly named the Murder Mitten.

Now, let me RE-introduce my self. My name is HOV! HA! JK! My name is still Lateva… I am a graduate TWICE OVER! Wife of twelve years to the best husband who would never lay a finger on me. Minister of the word of GOD who kept me through my woes and of course Blogger + Real Estate Broker. Nobody thought this would be my life, not even me.

I’m from the hood!

One, of the quintessential lines we hear in the media, is ” I came from the ghetto”. A place where there was no growth, people being killed right outside my door and there was nothing to keep my attention but gangs of course… Now, because this is real life and if you’re from the hood then you know you are REALLY in the trenches daily! And some of us can and will get sucked in, does that mean we had no choice? Does this give us an excuse to use if we amount to nothing? An excuse to never strive for your purpose? To only fall victim to what’s right in front of us? Does this course surrounding really have to lead to a life of crime, addiction or simply doing nothing at all?

The narrative is yours to write; The surroundings of that narrative is yours to live with and grow from. ~Lateva W

I didn’t have a daddy!

As stated the media likes t portray a people with little to NO male influence in the home. And as stated we know that this is sometimes the case. But again does this fact give is the right to just excuse ourselves from greatness? Recusing ourselves from the world due to the lack of a father? Now, don’t get me wrong here… I for one know the difference of having a father figure IN THE HOME and not but can we use that as an “excuse”? Or is it an excuse at all?

There has been MAJOR term oil!

Trials will come, right? Most won’t live a perfect life with a silver spoon passed them by there great greats. Our story, our stories are harder that are sometimes cumbersome but man can we get through them! My real question is do we keep using what the media says about us as a precursor to whom we will become? And is it an “excuse” should we be able to use it as a crutch to hold us up? seeing that we don’t have a leg us and didn’t receive reparations?

Of course, the road will be harder and as the bible says narrow is the way. Telling my story normally comes with a piece of pain attached to it and honestly, I am not sure you can ever recover from it all.