So, today is one of those days that really challenges my sanity. It’s a day of questioning my abilities to really be the best mom I can be for my boys. For those of you who are not familiar with my journey, I have 2 boys with special needs. My oldest, Anthony has Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy with a host of other challenges. My youngest, Lyric Ja’Dore has Autism.
As life wasn’t already hectic with Anthony, now it’s even harder with Lyric. Every moment is a teaching moment with both of them. However, the stress of having to decide if this or that moment is one of opportunity can be stressful. When I had Lyric, it was for the intent to give Anthony a caregiver in the event something happens to me or his dad. Now, I feel that has been ripped from me yet again. Granted, I don’t know what the future holds, however, as of right now, it really feels like the traditional motherhood experience will not be given to me.
Everyone looks at me and my situation and says, “God, you’re so strong, how do you do it all?” Hell, I ask myself that sometimes LOL! I am always reflecting and questioning whether or not I did all that I could today. Deciding was every move I made a move forward or backward.
I don’t look at myself as a special parent. I look at myself as a parent that does what she needs to do to ensure the best quality of life is given to her children. I feel that’s the least I could do since they didn’t ask for their diagnosises.
When Lyric, my youngest, was diagnosed with Autism it crushed me. I knew he was different and I knew he was showing signs of Autism, I was just praying that I was wrong. This news caused me to relive Anthony’s botched delivery. Since Lyric’s diagnosis, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about ways I could’ve prevented this from happening. Maybe if I would’ve pressed for a c-section or not given vaccines, could I have stopped these challenges from happening?
As each day goes by, I have to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can. As long as I enter and end each day with good, genuine intentions, then all will be ok. It’s hard to see what everyone else sees in me. Other’s see me as a superhero, while I see myself as just a mom. I am working on seeing myself the way everyone else sees me because honestly, I know I do a lot more than most and probably carry much better than some. Truthfully, I know there aren’t many people that would’ve stayed around and cared for them both.
Interestingly enough, through writing this I just discovered why people view me as a Superhero Mom! It’s because I am doing what some would’ve given up on and I still continue to press forward with love and a sense of genuine understanding of how motherhood works.
I hope my post inspires, uplifts, educates someone. That’s what I strive to do.