Manners & The Modern Child: We Are Raising Little Assholes

Yesterday my kid and I had a day. We had one of those days where I was embarrassed to be that mom. I felt the stinging eyes of judgement as she so proudly flaunted how much freedom that I actually allow her to have. She was rude to my friend in the car. She had a meltdown because she couldn’t have a chocolate bar and as we walked to dinner, she kept snatching her hand from mine. She misbehaved in front of our dinner guests and was so adamant about not going to sleep, that she resorted to telling me she couldn’t breathe as her final attempt to gain sympathy.

How did we get here?

As a mom, it takes a lot of strength to call your own child an asshole. It is easy to look at other children and have a disdain for their behavior – to blame their parents for not being strict enough and then reason in your head that there is no way you would ever allow your child to behave this way. But pride aside, I have come to this point. The funny thing is though, she isn’t always an asshole. She is a good kid. She’s well behaved in school. She is polite. She is actually only an asshole to me. 

Somewhere along this parenting journey, I decided that I wanted to be this modern and hip mom. My daughter and I would be friends and discuss our issues like adults. She would be free and open. This would cause her to always want to tell me how she felt and never want to keep secrets. No. No. At this point, at four years old, it is just causing her to be a little asshole.

And you know what happens to little assholes? They grow into big assholes. No one wants to deal with that.

As my duty to society, I know it is time to fix this behavior. If you are reading this and judging me, don’t. Your child is probably an asshole too. 

So moms, what do we do? How do we cure this asshole disorder in our children? I sat back and reevaluated our lifestyle. I realized that at four years old, my daughter calls adults by their first names. She rarely says Mr. or Mrs. and for some reason, she really thinks her opinion matters. And while I want to blame it on a disruptive attitude, I can’t. I can only blame it on my parenting skills. I realized that at four, my role in her life is to teach her to be respectful. It is my job to show her that the world doesn’t revolve around her emotions and that it is never OK to project yourself into adult conversations.

It is my role as her parent to teach her that listening can save her life. That respect will gain respect and that simple manners will cause her to surpass those around her. It is my job to make sure that she doesn’t grow into a self absorbed adult asshole. 

So if you are reading this and laughing, sit down and evaluate your life. The little disruptions caused by children can only be funny for so long. The little girls can only be so adorable when they talk back. But what is the real message we are sending by recording and sharing these outbursts or egging them on for our own amusement? We are teaching them that this is an acceptable response. And by doing this, we are contributing to their asshole behavior. 

Ask yourself mama – Am I raising a little asshole? 

Signed respectfully,

-An Asshole Parent.