Intimacy And The Single Mom: Three Ways To Survive The Dry Spell

The most interesting part of mom blogging is that the majority of us have had sexual intercourse to arrive here…but no one talks about it. We post our wholesome family photos, our beautiful polka dot dresses, and clean kitchens. We show pictures of our smiling children but the one thing that made all this possible is the topic we are mostly quiet about. SEX. Say that 3 times out loud for me.

Sex

Sex

Sex

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can move on. As a single woman with a child, I can admit that sex is very far, few, and in between these days. I spent all of my teenage years waiting to get to a point to have sex as freely as I could, only to become an adult and realize that there are way more factors involved that lead to the nitty gritty. Sex becomes much more difficult after momhood takes over and even more difficult when…gasp! You are a mom with absolutely no partner in sight.

Yep. That’s me. That’s my life.

Listen. This is not a moral post. I just want to make that clear before I start. If anyone deserves intimacy on a regular basis, it is definitely the overworked and exhausted mother. But when there isn’t a lover around to satisfy those needs or for other reasons, mama just isn’t choosing to get down like that, here are Three Ways To Survive The Dry Spell.

The Obvious: Become More Intimate With Yourself.

I am so easy, right?! See what I did there? Anyhow, if you are looking for some intimate pleasure and it is just you and your ten fingers, you can go the self pleasuring route which is one of my personal favorites. I am hesitant to mention vibrators because if you aren’t being intimate on a regular basis, throwing a vibrator into the mix can keep you further away from human connection. I mean, a partner cannot pleasure you the way a Dickrunner 5000 can, right? So, I say, proceed with extreme caution here. My advice would be to only pull out the vibes for special occasions and learn to enjoy your alone time on your own.

If you have been lacking intimacy, everything just kind of goes numb down there. You forget what touch feels like and instead you find yourself groping around at lost body parts. Being intimate with yourself means making love to yourself. Take a warm bath, light a few candles, set the mood. Start by just rubbing your fingers across your body and really try to connect with the sensation of touch. Once you become familiar with your body, it will be even easier to tell your future lover (oh..because they are coming mama) how to please you on their own.

Channel That Energy Into Another Space

Have you ever heard of thermodynamics? It is also known as the Law of the Conservation of Energy. The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another (source: https://courses.lumenlearning.com/boundless-chemistry/chapter/the-laws-of-thermodynamics/).

The same law can be applied to sexual energy. I will be the first woman to admit that we probably think about intimacy more than a man does. For us, our lady parts don’t give us away in public so we have free range to daydream about that cute barista at Starbucks all day long if we want to. The truth is though, if you are not participating in any late night action, it will hinder you more than help you to think about what could be happening, but isn’t, all day. Instead, find a way to channel that energy into another space.

A few options to consider would be to pick up an exercising or a yoga class. Find a way to sweat it out in a different kind of way. Not only are you redirecting the energy, you are finding a way to get in shape and contribute positivity to your mental health.

Go Ahead And Fully Commit

It may seem as if you have fully committed to not having sex but unless you decide to actually be celibate, you are only taking a break until something good comes along. Celibacy is the act of abstaining from sexual relations until you accomplish a goal. This goal may be marriage or a journey through self healing. Either way, even if the perfect partner does come along, you abstain from intimacy with this person until your goal has been obtained.

Celibacy is no easy task but it is something I recommend every woman try at least once in their life. Celibacy helps to reduce anxiety and can help rationalize attraction. You learn the difference between lust and love. You are able to identify a person’s true motives when sex is not on the table. You also learn just how strong you are mentally to put a pleasurable task on the back burner while you consciously fix some inner battles with yourself.

During your celibacy, it does not mean that you cannot date. It simply means that you are dating without intimacy. It is possible. Journal through your hard days. Learn to manifest what you truly desire. You got this.

Want To Shop Intimate Products In Private?

If you are interested in shopping for a few intimate items in private, I have included a list of my must have favorite toys below. You can purchase directly from the link. Happy shopping mamas!

Bussba Cordless Waterproof Personal Magic Wand Massager for Therapeutic Muscle Aches and Sports Recovery-Relaxation Massage-Mini,Quiet,8 Powerful Speeds-20 Modes-Great for Birthday New Gifts

Cordless Remote Control Massager Ball – 12 Different Mode – Food Silicone – USB Charging – Your Fashional Massager Group.(purple)

Ultimate Finger Clî’T Vibe V-Î-Brâtor

Thrusting Wand Rabbit Rea-listic V-Î-Brâtor Portable Up and Down Move Gift for Women

Intimate Rose Kegel Exercise Weights – Doctor Recommended Pelvic Floor Exercises – Set of 6 Premium Silicone Kegel Balls for Tightening & Control with Training Kit for Women: Beginners & Advanced

With love,

-Shanicia

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