As a mom, I have spent most of my daughter’s life being worried, stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted and anxious as a MUTHA! There is no greater responsibility than the responsibility of a Mom! This by no means is meant to undermine the role that a father plays as a parent, however this is through the perspective of my personal life and other moms around me.
My anxiety as a mother developed as soon as I found out I was pregnant! Why?? Because I was in my senior year in college, at a campus 3 hours away from home. I learned I was pregnant at what was supposed to be a routine check-up at the gynecologist. As soon as I got the news, I immediately thought…How could this be?! This isn’t my life!! I had it in my mind exactly how my life would turn out- So I thought!, and this wasn’t at all in the cards! I was immediately overwhelmed with the thoughts of, “How am I going to finish college and earn my degree??”, “What are my parents going to say and think?”, “How am I going to afford this? I don’t have a job yet!”, “How am I going to make this work with a man who I had already decided I didn’t want to be with anymore, and now I’m pregnant by him!”.
Through days and then weeks of reflections, contemplations, conversations and prayers, at just 3 weeks pregnant I knew exactly what I wanted. I openly and gladly accepted my new role as a ‘soon to be mother’, with the commitment to myself to do EVERYTHING in my power to be more than just sufficient for my child!…..Phoenix Giselle was the best decision of my life! :)….(oh, and by the way, I also finished college and got that degree!!!!! I now have two! :))
Five years later, with a beautiful five-year-old I finally feel like I have the hang of this role and that I’m doing a damn good job at this. However, this by no means suggest that the feelings that I was having before subsided. Every single day I am overwhelmed by the responsibilities of being that parent who does EVERYTHING…from bath times, homework, ABC’s, doctor visits, school pick-ups and drop-offs, summer camp tuitions, sick days, YOU NAME IT!. Aside from the anxiety built from my daily responsibilities, I suffer from anxiety around the things that are simply out of my control. I heavily avoid watching the news and reading the newspapers because it terrifies me to think of something possibly happening to my little girl at any given moment. And if your wondering how bad my anxiety can be, it’s as bad as crying when she’s spending the night at another family members house because I’m just so worried!….A little human being, completely reliant on my ability to make smart and wise decisions…to SURVIVE! There’s no responsibility greater! I have been given this GIFT to raise a child with morals, values, understanding, love, generosity, respect and so much more, to hopefully lead this world by example – this is nothing short of a blessing!
And MUTHAS, if you ever had these emotions similar to mines, I VALIDATE THEM! It takes a real life Wonder Woman to do what we do and do it well!!! Will the anxiety ever go away? Probably not! Will we ever stop worrying? Of course not! Will things ever feel easier? Who knows! However, everyday we may wake up and wonder how it’s going to get done, and some how it ALWAYS does…because we’re MUTHAS!
About the Author-
Hi!!!!! My name is Jasmine Fyffe. I am a young black woman, as well as a mother and educator. I have a ton of ambition, and…..anxiety! My daily life consist of stress, focus, strength, power, faith(used to be doubt) and so much more! I would be lying if I said I had everything in life figured out! The best part is that I am growing, seeking and learning each and every day. I am sure that most women will be able to relate to my stories, however men you are welcomed too! I am excited for you ALL to join me on this journey of my life…..as it may relate to your very own! 🙂 I am here to provide insight, and gain insight!
Check out my website at PoisedwitJaz.com & please follow! 🙂
JASMINE, XOXO <3