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The Not So Ugly Step Mother

Stepmom. That was a movie I used to watch as a child. When I say watch, I mean religiously. I loved Susan Sarandon & Julia Roberts; even as a child I empathized with Julia being the new woman & taking on the responsibility of getting someone else’s child to even like you. Even more awesome, was that she was this cool, young woman, that was a photographer in New York City. I rooted for Isabel. I never thought I would even have this title – to be honest, I didn’t even realize I would be a step-mother until a few days ago. I mean, I knew I was marrying a man who had a child but I didn’t acknowledge actually becoming a stepmom.

Our situation has been dicey to say the least. I like to say, we have a complicated order but I have faith that things will work out for the better. His son is only two years old & we barely get to see him. My fiancé is military and we are stationed somewhere other than where his child’s mother lives. Which is a blessing and a curse, I suppose. We are about 7 hours away from his little guy, but even if we were closer I don’t think the situation would be much different.

Remember when I said  we had a complicated order? It is definitely that. His child’s mother has been a tall order of “I’m not here for any new woman you are trying to bring into MY son’s life“, Which has been a little frustrating, not so much for me but for me to watch my fiancé lose out on being involved with his son. It has also been a tad difficult because I don’t normally date men with kids and here I am marrying one.

We saw his son a few months ago – right after we got Aspen, our lab & he was immediately in love with him. and I realized he liked animals and he was really silly. I was excited because my love of animals is insane and I was happy I could share that with my stepson. I also found myself thinking back about Isabel buying a puppy to get the kids to like her in the movie. I found myself enjoying and becoming more fond of him than I expected. Granted he is only two years old but I promise you, he understood the bond between child and dog. It was at that point, I knew I wouldn’t mind playing a role in his life.


I recently reached out to his mom in hopes to change the negative connotation that sometimes comes with title, Stepmom. I wanted very much for the transition of “just your dad’s girlfriend” to”your dad’s new wife” to be a little easier than the first initial idea of her child’s father moving on with his life, with someone else. Like I said before, I had faith that things would work themselves out; she was extremely receptive of my reaching out and I am hoping this will be a step forward in all of us working towards the best interest of the child.

I am a huge advocate for children’s rights and doing what is best for the voices that can’t be heard. I never wanted to be a stepmom, nor marry a man with a child; but I can’t help but think my destiny was to be where I am, being a part of this child’s life (and not just for the dogs). I know this journey will not be an easy one but I am possibly naively optimistic that things will get better from here. We shall see.

Follow my blog to stay updated on our progress.

Signed,
The Not So Ugly Step Mother

Jessica Sewell
CONTRIBUTOR
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Hi, I’m Shanicia! I live in Atlanta, GA. I’m a fulltime mom to one pretty rambuncious little girl. I love cooking, coloring Mandalas, and reading. To find out why I started Black Moms Blog, read our very first blog post!

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