A Letter to My 9 year old self……
Within the next twenty one years you will experience apart of your life, where you will be forced to live in your truth. Forced because you’re ready to grow! You will find yourself in an uncomfortable situations that you took part in creating (God makes our lives uncomfortable to grow). In that situation you will feel pain, humility, discomfort, and abandonment.
You will then question God’s existence in your life, wondering where was He in the mist of this (only to realize He never left your side). God will have shown you a pattern of things beforehand. Those things were put in place to help you break a cycle that needed to be broken. And you will then go back to God questioning Him about those same patterns He has shown you many times before.
You will then step in front of a mirror just to see your Mother’s younger self in you. Living out a repeated cycle that could’ve been broken or stopped a long time ago! So, then you will learn to stop making excuses for your actions and you can no longer play victim, but learn to take accountability for your life. In the mist of understanding your patterns you will learn that “Every girl that was left by her dad has a broken heart” and you’d see there are scars from it that you never let completely heal. Within these twenty one years you became a mother of three boys (never imaging it would be you). Some where in that life you had become ashamed and not proud. Because you saw your sons life an exact repeat of both you and their father. You made it more about his childhood and not yours, because you weren’t ready to acknowledge or live in your childhood truth! But you knew that you did not want your children to relive your childhood, which is why you made it more about their father’s childhood than live in the truth about yours. Because your father wasn’t there but present.
You will then remember your father in front of you, asking you a question and you not know how to communicate. So, you then struggled with communication, opening up, and expressing your feelings. Looking at things in your childhood that carried on into your adult life, you never acknowledge but brushed it under the rug and moved on. Because you didn’t think it would show up later in life. When certain things did show up you didn’t know how to handle them, so therefore it wasn’t a grey area for you. It was either you show with silence or wait until it explode. You will always reach out to God to help you with these issues because you knew they were unhealthy and played a major part in your growth as a Woman, Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Friend.
You would then use pictures or social media to show your strengths and beauty. But hide it with reality and what you were drowning yourself in. There will be young ladies that will look up to you as a BIG sister, role model, and even a mother. They only saw the outside appearance of you, your smile, beauty, laughter, fun, and strength that you possess. You’d never share everything, only the reason behind you strength. When your third son came into the world you encountered something you would’ve never thought in a million years but it happened. That feeling or issue brought you to a point where you no longer wanted to cage your feelings and emotions in, and you finally reached a breaking point. You’d eventually let go of the shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear, and started encouraging others (women or young adults) with your encouraging words of experience. Then, you realized God was still behind you, your mother was standing in pray for you, your friends still loved you and continue to pray for you, your brothers never leaving their baby sister.
I cannot promise you perfection, Brittany. You will still have flaws that will be perfectly placed . No, you will not get everything right and nothing happens over night. But you have made great progress, and have taken the necessary steps of loving you truth to become and amazing woman and mother. Failure or Given Up is never an option for you! You now have three amazing little boys to live for and you know the importance of loving yourself first. Setting those boundaries for how you deserve to be respected, love, and honored. You have learn to start loving the pieces of you that no one ever claps for!
Love You More Than Ever Before Queen,
Brittany Monet ❤️👑
About the Author:
Brittany Robinson is a native of Jackson, Mississippi. She is an arising entrepreneur and incredible visionary. She used her own unique story and personal life experiences to build her platform BRITTMONE’T, a blog where her thoughts, ideas, and creativity is brought to life. As a single mother, an expressive artist, and career woman she uses her gifts and talents to ensure that her passion is measurable to her purpose and that what makes her empowering. Follow Brittany on Instagram .